Beneath the Surface
by An Ordinary Riceball
Summary: Everyone has emotions, or so the saying goes. Every person can feel anger, sadness, and happiness, just like everyone else, but the hot-headed personification of South Italy, Romano, or, to any humans, Lovino Vargas is a completely different case. OOC Romano to some degree. Hurt/Comfort without the comfort part. R&R if you will.


**Story:****_ Beneath the Surface  
><em>Summary:_ Everyone has emotions, or so the saying goes. Every person can feel anger, sadness, and happiness, just like everyone else, but the hot-headed personification of South Italy, Romano, or, to any humans, _Lovino Vargas_ is a completely different case._**  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>**_ I don't own Hetalia..._**

* * *

><p>Everyone has emotions, or so the saying goes. Every person can feel anger, sadness, and happiness, just like everyone else. They naturally will feel sadness and grieve when tragedy strikes, or feel happy when being around their friends, or doing what they like best. They'll be angry when something goes wrong, or when they feel like fate is testing their patience. All of this is true, for <em>most<em> people, but the hot-headed personification of South Italy, Romano, or, to any humans, _Lovino Vargas_ is a completely different case.

Everyday, he had what you might call 'personality problems' out in the public when he went off with someone like Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, the friendly personification of the country known as Spain, to work as his henchman. But when he was by himself at home, he was a completely different, and seemingly calm person, on the outside. However, on the inside... by no means, could there possibly have been even been _some_ calamity at the _slightest_. And if there was, it was certainly drowned out by the many thoughts and emotions that swarmed his mind.

Ever since he could remember, he'd always had problems expressing his feelings to others. He didn't fully know how to communicate, or rather, he didn't know how to put all of it into words. And it hurt; more than any of them knew.

He had emotions, yes, but he couldn't fully grasp them. So many accursed questions went through his mind every time certain emotions were conveyed through his own body language. Like, even when he thought he was happy, there was still an empty feeling in his chest that told him otherwise. He would then question if he only smiled to fit in with everyone else, and because it was a good gesture, and it only seemed right. But if that was so, when someone made a joke that everyone but _him_ found funny, or if there was something everyone else was chuckling about, he simply laughed to fit in.

He could never figure out why he cried either. Even when something truly sad happened, or someone died, he honestly felt nothing, despite how much he wanted to. He'd always wanted to be able to feel the sadness along with them; to be able to offer to shoulder the burden with them, proving he understand their pain.

But he didn't... He wanted to _want_ that understanding, but he couldn't, and no matter how hard he tried, he never would be able to, for that was probably the hardest emotion for him to fathom. Every time, when he thought he might be sad, those voices in his head told him that it wasn't sadness, rather, just frustration caused by the fact that he hadn't expected it. In other words, the let down and change in plans. Well, that's all he thought it could be.

Even when he felt frustrated, upset, or anxious, or even when he was feeling emotions that would normally pull some strings within you, he felt them, but couldn't cry, no matter what. His body would forcefully bottle back all of those emotions, and tears, no matter how much he suffered mentally.

He couldn't figure out why, but when he cried, there were always so many emotions, which confused him. He could feel frustration, anxiety, hopelessness, loneliness, jealousy, uncertainty, angst, doubt, and dread, as if the whole world was against him. He'd always wanted someone to be able to go to; someone that he knew he could trust, but he knew it was empty wishes, because he couldn't read facial expressions, nor could he read body language that well, like others could, so he couldn't tell what some one was truly thinking, therefore, he couldn't truly trust them from his heart.

Beside of that, there was the fact that he wanted friends, he didn't want them even though had them. When they were gone, it left him feeling lost and incomplete, but when he was with them, he constantly got to feeling extremely uncomfortable, and frustrated. He often felt out of place with his supposed 'friends'. Aren't you suppose to be able to easily and honestly express yourself around a friend? Shouldn't you be able to rely on them, too? Should you be able to talk in comfort, rather than keeping you mouth shut, in fear that they'll judge you?

If that wasn't bad enough, his own family, and friends of his family; heck, even people he didn't know, were constantly doting on his brother. Everyone around him seemed so attached to him. While he, himself, was practically ignored. It really irritated him to no end. His brother had once referred to himself as weak, and seemed somewhat depressed.

"Why did that irritate him?", you may ask. It brought true anger to him every time he thought about it. North Italy had everything; Talent, amazing art skills, wealth, _friends_, and so much more. He had no right to be depressed!

The half nation sighed. He knew it was worthless to over think it. He had so many problems, but, at least there was something in the world, that took his mind off of reality.

People would just called it being lazy, but in his eyes it was different. The internet, strange as it may sound, was the only place he could truly be himself; the only place he actually could share his opinion anonymously, without receiving misjudgement and verbal abuse from others. Yeah, there are some bad people online, but there are probably two or three times as many good, or at least_ decent,_ people on line. And that opinion wouldn't change.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: _What do you think? _**_**_**I'm sorry that it's probably quite a bit OOC. **_**__**If you're wondering this was all about, this is more based off of my emotions than anything else. _** XD **_ Someone has told me it's do to the fact that I have both High Functioning Autism and Anxiety, but I think there may be some depression in the mix too, but I don't really know... If you enjoyed this, I'm glad. If not...don't kill me. *suddenly runs off to hide.***_


End file.
